I have been waiting for the right time to write this but every time i am always lost of words not until i saw a post on fb..a young pharmacy student in her finals got ill and died..i just can't believe He has seen me through until the last month of 2017.We don't look like what we have been through,this saying' is very correct.2017 wasn't exactly the best year but here i am today and i wouldn't blame 2017 but 2016.
If there is one year i would want to be deleted from my life,it's 2016.I made the worst kind of decisions..to sum it all..i lived 18 years in 12 months.Lets fast forward to when i arrived Ukraine;my whole life, i have always wanted to leave home..no one was maltreating me or whatever,i just didn't want to be at home.I imagined i will be much happier if i was far away from home so you can imagine my excitement when i finally left Nigeria.Appreciate your family,they are the ones that will always have your back no matter what.No matter how damaged you become,your family will always be close but it comes with a price..they will;maybe ignore you,call you names or whatever but the important thing is..unlike most friends they will call you back after all the kasala.
From my parents assumption based on lies they heard to days i spent regretting why i left Uniuyo because i felt i would be a burden to my parent to having boyfriend issues in a relationship that didn't last.Was i depressed?..obviously..good 7 months..i spent winter in depression and going to hospital.Funny thing,i was always going to school..i had to,after all every other person had issues the whole world did not know about so,yea..i was no exemption.I remember days my pillow became my greatest asset...hey,i cried my self out.I would even cry before going to school,after school..it was a daily routine.I was bitter about everything..i just wanted night to come so i would sleep but was Mr sleep ever my friend..No.I was always lost in thought.
We thank God for the many short lived friends in our lives...trust me,you will never know what people are going through so the best thing you can do is to mind your business.There were days i had migraine for weeks...but i was still going to school(thanks to fake doctor Idira,the always active Derby and success who always noticed every time the headache starts).God is faithful.I was a walking dead,church didn't help...I actually gave up on God.
Days i spent wondering if i will ever be a good doctor or make my parents proud will always end in tears.Teachers were not even helping...some people are just set in strategic positions in your life to give you minimum tears but what if it is all part of Gods plan to mold you into the person the world will have cause to glorify his name.
To be happy was a luxury i couldn't afford...and i will not say i prayed and fasted or what have you but i searched for answers.If there is one prayer my dad constantly prays...God make my daughter happy.I listen to cellular music at times but all the times i do..i feel like i am cheating God..because it was good Christian music that gave me meaning.The days i will be scared wondering what the next rumour about me is and who has heard it,it was good songs that helped me.I was over thinking and once i went to the hospital,the doctor suggested i changed environment.If i got hold of drugs that would put me to bed for a really long time..i would have taken it but thanks to sister Hope..I can't even write down the things that happened to me..don't mind the way i am lenkelenke...i am very strong else i would have been in one psychiatric hospital...oh well forgive me,i am not very strong rather i serve a strong and mighty God.
I missed my family and the person i thought would be family here slipped away.One thing that is certain;people will always root for themselves first.Those moments i was depressed i needed a guy to tell me some lies..it sure makes anyone feel good for a moment but even in my state of almost mental breakdown i couldn't be with a mediocre. I wanted a best friend so badly and i cried always wondering where i got it all wrong.I needed God and he never abandons anyone who looks up to him.
In summary i underestimated Gods love and his undying grace in my life..i know i would have lost my mind but He is a covenant keeping God and when he says yes...it is a yes.When i needed someone to vent on..God was always there...let me tell you,there comes a time when you need answers from God and you don't go begging,you go for an interactive session with God.You ask him what he is up to because you are no longer feeling him.God gave me answers in ways i never expected and he has constantly made it a point of duty to remind me that he is the only source of true peace and happiness.
So grateful for Pastor Katry...i didn't need to tell her the kind of hell i was living in but i am happy she invited me for the summer prayer that made me realize God heard me because i was actually on my way to being faithless,Christianless and on the path to hell.Yes; hell,i reached a point where i wanted to do anything that would give me happiness and trust me every temporary happiness comes with a price.Did i say i couldn't forgive the people that hurt me for months...well that was the height of it.I wished all sort of evil things happened to them cause they looked happy and i was wallowing in sadness.I blamed myself for every mishap that happened to me or at home.
Pastor Kester and Minister Gifty...you guys are answered prayers and i didn't want to acknowledge it but God keeps using both of you in ways i do not understand..so thank you for letting him use you both.
You don't know what someone is going through so the least you can do is let the person be.
Take care of yourself every other person is rooting for themselves and no matter how damaged you are...you are the reason Jesus died,you are the reason he was beaten and trust me when he said 'It is finished',he really meant it.It is finished to depression,it is finished to tears and regrets,it is finished to sadness.
Merry Christmas.
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