My Identity Crisis

 

Oh, hello

This is uum kind of awkward.

You would think after doing this for so many years, I would be so courageous and confident to stand before a crowd.

It's almost like every event I'm invited for,is a chance to stand on the stage again for the very first time. 
Somehow I believe that's the beauty of it all, the nervousness, excitement, the adrenaline spike that rushes through my body helping me prepare so I don't get so comfortable in my God-given abilities and slip up.

Well, as some of you may know
My name is Emediong Francis Udoudoh and I wear many hats but for this event, I choose to wear my green public speaking hat.

Can I have a seat please?

I hope that's fine

yea,

okay

I think I would be more comfortable if I assume the friendly kind of vibe position.
Thank you very much.
So, as I was saying my self and my green hat we want to talk you today about identity.

As many of you may know, I am the founder of Dimensionsofgold conglomerate but what you don't know is the story behind the name.

Well, Dimensionsofgold didn't start off as glamorous as it is today. 

As a matter of fact the soil that gave it life was insecurities.

It was birthed from one of the darkest period of my life and when I say 'one of 'it means I've had other darker periods, this one just happened to give me a child.

How considerate?

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I remember just thinking of how messed up my life had become, how unambitious I was slowly metamorphosing into and how I was going to be exactly what my enemies had planned for me(yea, I'm Nigerian and enemies planning to attack is a real thing).

I wasn't living.
I was breathing in oxygen but there were days I wished the air will just stop around me.
I kept telling myself I was existing, but looking at it now I was virtually lifeless.
I went with the wind and the only thing it blew my way was dirt which at that period I was so grateful for.

 When you have lost touch with reality and your life keeps breaking slowly in front of you.

You stop trying.

You eventually stop taking it out for repairs.

 When you are consciously not trying to fix your life,

 when you have become so comfortable in the recycling trauma of your life

anything the devil hands to you taste like the body of Christ and if you don't stop eating the devils meal you become his image and likeness.

Forgive the tears,there are happy tears.

I cried my self to sleep,woke up crying but somehow I still managed to show up.
I don't want to say I had suicidal thoughts but I really just wanted the numbness to end.

I hated nights.

My thoughts became extremely loud in the evenings,almost like they had a negotiation to always suffocate me and I'm glad to announce to you;they won every single time.

It's like they had a life of their own and I was just there.

I couldn't control these thoughts so when they came I built houses out of them and my oh my those sad foundation were really strong.

Instagram was you know, what it is.

I went on Instagram and started thinking of a new identity.

My full name is Happiness-Emediong but for a while I didn't know what happiness felt like neither did I  feel blessed so I decided to give my self a new identity-Dimensionsofgold.

I don't know if you know this but if you do I will remind you again because that's what I'm here for plus I'm the only person in charge of the microphone so I will tell you whatever I want to. (Kidding)

I will even remind you of your name which I do not know, but if it comes to that trust me I will.

Gold does not exist in nature in the same form that it is in your expensive jewellery. You will most likely see it as grains,flakes,masses or veinlets in rocks. Yea, tell me about it.
After this gold ores are excavated from the surface of the earth, the undergo a process to extract the metal. The extracted metal at this stage still contains a variety of impurities like copper, zinc, iron and silver.

Who would have thought the almighty silver is an impurity?
To eliminate this impurities, gold undergoes the purification process.
Now,here comes the bride, here comes the bride.

I'm so excited because this is the part that concerns us.

The methods used to purify Gold can be categorized into 3;through the use of acid,use of fire and use of electricity.

I started seeing myself as gold ore.

So when I had a setback in my life, I assumed I was going through  one of the purification process
When the tears kept flowing I reminded myself; I will still end up as gold but I need to pass through this dimension.
When the doubt kicked in,I told myself regardless of all this unbelief He created me,looked at his handwork and said;she is beautiful.

So no matter how long it takes for me to realize it bottom line I'm perfect no one can take that away.

When the obsession with being liked came, I consciously reminded myself that gold do not beg to be liked.

Gold just walks in and takes all the available space.
You can prefer silver but you can't ignore the audacity gold carries when it works into a room.
If you don't create space for it,you will be blinded by it.
It's not pride,it's just what it is.
It doesn't beg for attention because it is the attention.
Even nature recognizes gold.

The sun shines at its entrance.

To me,

Dimensionsofgold is not just a brand,it's a reminder God is still in the business of raising the dead.

It's a testimony of my whole existence, the very measurement of my strength.

It's an identity that took a life of it's own, constantly reshaping me into the perfect imperfect form.
It's a reminder I'm constantly shedding,constantly going through a purification process that is not the end but a means to that Gold everyone will be in awe of.

It's a reminder even if life beats me 364 days on the 365 day, I will still be gold and no one can take that away from me.

I am so grateful for Dimensionsofgold because, through the purification process, I learned to love my name Emediong which means blessed.
It's so funny all through this period in my life when I had given myself a different identity, I was still blessed.

My name was still blessed. I didn't just live up to it.

It didn't change the fact either that everything at the end will still bless Gods name.

So before I end this, um let me get up so you can know how serious I am.
If you haven't heard anything that I have said all through(for our sake,I hope you  have)
I want you to use this week to ask yourself 

What identity have I been living up to?
How has this identity affected  me?
What name have I accepted that disagrees with what God calls me?

When you answer this I need you to take a pen and paper and write out all the names from the bible God calls you. 
You no longer identify as sadness because God calls you joy.
Your name is not delay because God calls you speed.
Your name is not sickness because God calls you whole.

Your name is not option because God calls you priority.

Replace your situation with what God says about it and trust me God has a name for you in whatsoever situation you find yourself in.
Shock the devil, when he calls out lust you tell him; umm I don't identify as lust anymore
my name is purity and please can we never meet again.

Change your identity into what God calls you and watch how your life takes a turn you have never thought or imagined.

Ladies and gentlemen,
My name is Emediong
Be so kind and gracious to yell out Emediong or Gold anytime you see me

because I identify as Blessed and all generations shall call me blessed.
Thankyou