The Breakups

You know when you read so many books there is a tendency for you to assume you know a lot.You actually do know a lot but does this massive chunks of knowledge you are acquiring align with Gods word.
There are no grey areas with God and no matter how we try to justify our decisions, somethings will always remain wrong.
So this is me reading anything i can pick on about relationship,life and so many self help books.My book shelf seems like i'm crazy and even when i know no one is perfect i get into a relationship with a list of what whoever i am with should look like.
I get in with an expectation that has nothing to do with what God wants for me,i just get in to satisfy my needs.
So i meet you,i  immediately assume my therapist job and analyse everything about you,every conversation and view point then i place your flaws before you.
That's weird right;yea,i know.When i see you,i see your flaws,so i make a decision if i can put up with it or not.
So my numerous books made me feel i knew exactly what love looked like or better still what my imperfect love will look like,so i made a list and filtered everything i didn't want.
Some things i felt i would be comfortable with regardless of what God says but one thing about stepping out of Gods will,you might feel comfortable,but at a point something will get missing and you will want more.
So stepping out of Gods purpose will cause you to keep searching thereby inviting discomfort.
1st Corinthians 13:4-7 should have been what i made my list from but i sugar coated Gods word and made my list from what society expects in a relationship but who can deceive God.
I keep chanting that His will for me are of good to give me an expected end but most decisions i make are out of his will but yet i keep waiting for an expected end from God.It doesn't work that way.If your choices are out of His will, be rest assured that the expected end is in your hands.

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So,list one came and the very things that i wanted,the things i wrote and asked God for turned me off.
He looked like an answered prayer because when you go against Gods plan,you basically answer your prayers.Things will take form and place,but it is mostly psychological.You want a tall guy,its easy now to notice every tall guy around because you are consciously seeking for one.
I made some changes and list two arrived,almost made it seem like i had everything at my feet.It was exciting but terrifying,so i had to step out from this aura and watch myself,i looked so happy but watching myself from myself i knew it wouldn't take long for me to fight a battle because slowly i started immersing myself in an unknown world.
I started accepting things i knew out rightly were wrong because when you don't invite God into your decisions,when you don't make him the center of it,every bad thing begins to have a good side.So it might look bad from the beginning,you know it is wrong but constant interaction with it makes you get comfortable with it and it becomes good.But do not be deceived evil communication corrupts good manners.

The list on one hand made me conclude that yes there should be compromises in a relationship but most importantly you shouldn't be with someone who isn't on the same wavelength with you.
There should't be too much things to accept or change,lets not be talking about God before dating and when we start dating,you bring up topics that doesn't glorify God and yes even your chats should glorify God.
He sees it anyway.

The list ended up making me meet different people who eventually leaves me better than when we met but most importantly made me conclude that each person i have been with is preparing me for the man God has for me.
So now tall,fat,slim, short...all that doesn't matter.
What you say has to match your character
my energy needs to align with yours
I need to see God in you
no,i won't let you make me have a Luke warm relationship with God
you have to be more passionate about God than i am.
Each breakup made me realize i'm such a passionate person but in the midst of all that passion i'm quick to end things if it doesn't match my energy.
And i'm crazy to believe that each break up is an opportunity to meet a better person.
I tried to learn how to settle for a few moment of passion and hundreds of question and self doubts and that's one thing about stepping outside of Godswill,you end up settling for mediocre.
My passion deceives me most times so i get clouded by it and i don't notice lukewarm,but that's what we have God for.
Whatever you need,ask in my sons name.So yea,there is always a chance to ask for the Holyspirit to direct you.
God created me with so much passion,so i can't just shut the passion
I can't just let any one ignite and ignore me
so in summary,date within Godswill. Life is much easier with and in God.

With that being written,
I'm Emediong and this is DimensionsofGold.