On Being A Feminist

The other day I was privileged to attend an event, it wasn't necessarily a church program but it centered around Christianity and women. So of course the guest speakers would be women but one was particularly very interesting.

This lady went on and on about how Christian women should act, which I agreed for the most part and learnt new  things. However, she took me aback with a particular statement she made "you can't be a Christian and a feminist". She went ahead to attempt to back up her claim by saying "feminism is a cult group".

At this point the only thing I could utter was

Hmmm, wahala dey o.

I immediately had to google the meaning of feminism and right after I searched for misandry.

I know there has been a lot of attack on people who identify as a feminists but this was the first time I heard "...you can't be both a Christian and a feminist".

I had a lot of questions as you might have guessed. I honestly just wanted to understand where she was coming from as this was new territory I never thought of nor imagined.

I don't think I have out rightly said I am a feminist.

If you ask if I am one, I immediately ask what you mean by feminism then I can decide if I am or not which I think is very safe  because almost everyone seems to have a personal definition for it.

70 percent of the time, when you are asked if you are a feminist, the end goal is to counter what you stand for or the question is asked in response to what an acclaimed feminist has done or said which ends like an attack on both parties but I want to believe the attack is as a result of different ideas and not pre-planned.

I really believe if we get over ourselves we can co-exist with different ideas and beliefs.

I say things I agree on and don't and people conclude I am a feminist which I'm indifferent about because without that word feminism I would still have the same values.

One day, I posted a status on my WhatsApp, it was a before and after makeover of lady and a guy commented (I'm paraphrasing here)

"this is how women deceive men".

If this was a comment on Instagram or twitter I would have liked it or better still ignored but he came to my inbox so I assumed he wanted a conversation which I gladly indulged in.

So I asked; What do you mean?

He went ahead to say

Don't you see she looks totally different? 

I replied

I do.

Then I asked him a question,

How does that deceive men?

He replied; 

"Because he would marry her thinking that's how she looks"

Well, Okay.

I wasn't surprised because that's a classical response from a particular group of men.

However, I thought, 

How would I get married to man who hasn't seen my bare face?

I know most men do not understand the art called make up. 

I don't either. 

But a man knows when there is a vaseline on your face so obviously he knows that's a make over and I don't think he expects you to look like that way 24/7.

So I went ahead to tell him "if a guy thinks my lashes are naturally this long honey that's on him".

Now do I agree with him that the makeup made her look completely different?

Yes. 

But still marrying a lady without knowing how she actually looks that's really on him.

He replied.

"This your feminism is getting out of hand. Maybe you should have come as a man".

I was hurt and angry then because this had nothing to do with feminism. I simply gave an opinion but now I think I would have taken it as a compliment.

God saw it right to create me as a woman. You one of His creation sees I have been a woman in all my glory so I should maybe try being a man! 

Thanks for the recommendation actually but when God was done creating me He said I am perfect.

Nothing spoil.

Growing up, I really hated cooking and doing the dishes. I would rather sweep the whole compound than go into the kitchen.

Well, Well.

I met a guy and we got talking. As inquisitive as I am I asked what he wanted in a woman?

He said homely, Christian, intelligent and a freak.

I really didn't have any interest in the freak. I understood Christianity and intelligence but what did he mean by homely?

He said;

You know what I mean!

I said;

Unfortunately I don't

he said;

cooking, cleaning and all of that

a family person.

You get me

Well, I did.

I went ahead to say "I'm not really a fan of cooking or the kitchen, cleaning yea.

I pretty much would have a chef or my husband will probably love cooking"

He smirked and said,

"Goodluck sha I'm sure you are a feminist that's why you are thinking like this".

Another wahala dey moment.

I took in a deep breath because in addition to telling my mum I would marry white man at age 6 or 7, I told her and I won't be the one cooking so I pretty much hated cooking before I knew the meaning of feminism.

 For me, not being interested in cooking has nothing to do with feminism.

It is presumed feminist do not like the idea of submission.

Yea maybe that's true.

But those feminist aren't Christians so there are a lot of things they do not like.

A Christian feminist understands the leadership role God has placed on a man so she will submit as the Bible says.

A Christian man will understand for submission to work he will have to love his wife as Christ loves the church and I tell you Christ really loves the church.

A Christian feminist will understand submission doesn't mean weakness but the highest form of strength she can possess.

A Christian man will understand submission doesn't translate to slavery.

It is presumed again that feminism is against men but I don't know the universe you guys live in because feminism is really about men and women being treated equally and for the 100th time I would like to add this doesn't translate to men and women being the same.

In the work place, a feminist just wants a woman to be paid the same amount a man is being paid for the same job and I don't get why people have insomnia over this.

A feminist doesn't want the fact she is a woman be the reason she is devalued.

Lets just abandon that word for a bit, shall we?

Nobody wants to be treated a certain way for being what they have no control over.

No man wants to be devalued for simply being a man.

Please explain to me where the hatred comes in here.

A woman who hates a man is a misandrist not a feminist.

How about we just change the name because what it stands for; I don't know why any one will be against it.

I'm open to a conversation in the comments section on why some men are totally against feminism.

So just to answer everyone's question,

I have decided to stop explaining to people the difference between feminism and misandry as that is an impossible mission.

I have accepted there are women who call themselves feminists but hate men.

I have accepted there are men who don't think women should even exist on earth.

I have accepted there are men who would call you a feminist just because you disagree with them.

I have accepted there are women who don't think men should exist and as much as this is not okay.

I have made peace with it.

Since there is a lot of confusion on the subject of feminism and it's name in particular,

I have decided not to identify with the word feminism.

I am a Christian, made in the image and likeness of God so whatever I say will align with Gods word and I will disagree with anything that disagrees with Him.

God is love, so automatically I am called to love everyone just like God loves us.

I will defend anyone that is oppressed just like Christ would regardless of gender.

Now if my defending a woman translates to you as feminism, I can't help you.

If my defending a man sounds like I'm double faced, again I can't help you.

The world's problem is summarized in one word; disobedience.

Do unto others what you want done to you.

 To this, we replied no.

Now there is feminism, misandry, masculism, MGTOW, misogynists and all other groups that shouldn't exist.

With that being written, 

My name is Emediong 

and this is Dimensionsofgold.

N.b; Pictures are from Pinterest.