My Thoughts On Having Children

I'm just going to pop in here like I haven't been absent for almost 2 months but I will write a detailed post on what I've been up to.

I can't even make promises on that but hopefully, I should create a schedule around writing and actually posting.

Thanks for your understanding.

I don't know if you guys have observed that when it comes to having children, people tend to quote "be fruitful and multiply" a lot and I can understand that (to an extent) because if you don't want to think too much about the statement, a direct translation might as well be "to have children".

However, the emphasis has always been on the "multiply" rather than being "fruitful" and that to me is a misplaced priority.

Recently, and by recently I mean last year, I realized when I'm with my friends and we talk about kids and the number we would love to have, I mostly fall in between 1 and  2 with the 2nd coming through adoption but when I go to my room and actually think about it I fall in between none to none. 

Click to know my nonnegotiables in a man

I had to ask myself a few questions and in the process, I concluded I'm happier at the thought of getting married. I'm more excited at the prospect of meeting someone to spend forever with but I really don't think much about children or when they come to my mind I see them as people I can return.

I would want my sister or brother or friends' children to come over but best believe I am also excited in a month they will go back to their parents.

As much as I want to get married really early, having a child never came up as one of the reasons. I want to get married because I want to, not because there is some form of pressure around me or because he proposed. Marriage to me is a lifetime commitment and I don't think about what will happen that will cause me to want a divorce or what will happen that will cause me to want a break or report him to inlaws or disrespect him.

You understand? I plan to make him happy and also be very happy. I plan to always keep him on a pedestal because he deserves the very best.

 

I want a marriage where the definition of love in the bible is made manifest. So I want it early but also I am ready to put in the work.

Now, when it comes to children only one thing comes to my mind: "this is too much of a permanent thing to undo". Having a child is like stepping into the unknown. Marriage is unknown too but with a little bit of control.

The thought of getting married gets me excited, but having children on the other hand just makes me anxious and terrified. This shouldn't be confused with me not liking children. I love them. I also love them better when I know they can be returned.

Every woman can become a mother because we all come with wombs but I don't think every woman is called to be a mother at least not in a stereotypical way. I don't think every woman has that motherly instinct.

I have said it countless times, I understood love from my baby sister and that's when it started creeping into my mind that a child might not be a solid yes. Kudos to my mum and all the other mothers out there with more than one child you guys are superheroes but Nah, I might just pass on that.

I don't want to be a housewife but the thought of having a child leaves me with just the option of being one. If I decide to want to have kids, I want to be really invested in them. I want to try as much as I can not to pass on trauma.

I don't want my daughter to lose her self-esteem because of a guy. I don't want my son to think he isn't perfect because a girl rejected him. I really don't want them to cry or lack anything. I don't want them to be under any kind of pressure because of how the world is set up. I'm already worried when my husband travels for work, why do I need to add a child to this worry?

My mum sacrificed a lot for us and I am really grateful but I'm not sure I want to follow that path. I want to travel and be up and about and I don't think it's fair to constantly change their schools or their friends. It's just not fair.

I'm going to have a chef but the thought of having a nanny doesn't sit right with me for so many obvious reasons. That's my child, I can't leave him/her with anybody.

The world is growing increasingly with bad news. It's like the devil just has new tactics every other week and bringing a child into this world not only isn't fair to me and the child but also it equals a heart attack too.

Be fruitful emotionally, financially, and mentally first before you think of multiplying.

Prepare to have a child. Read books, ask questions, attend seminars or conferences. Whatever suits you but actively prepare.

I understand you cannot be fully prepared to have a child but you can prepare.

Heal from whatever childhood trauma so you don't pass it on to them.

Forgive your parent so you don't pass on the anger.

Decide the words you will use on them. You don't want a situation where they are not living up to their calling because of what you said.

Decide to train them in the ways of God.

Remember the child is really not yours, they belong to God. You are only but a caretaker and if you have decided to have a child the least you can do is be intentional about that gift.

Don't give room for what if's. That's just the devil trying to sneak in.

Don't have a child because you got married, that's not enough reason.

Don't have a child because you want to be a young parent, a child is neither a competition nor a trophy.

Don't let your child grow up to seek therapy because of your parenting skills, read books on parenting.

Just in case you didn't know, as of 2019, there are about 7.6 billion people in the world, and out of that 7.6 billion, 24 million of them are homeless children.

A lot of children are out there without a family, you can always adopt one.

Don't assume we all want to have kids. 

Before you ask the question of "how many" ask a "do you" question first.

And if the response is a no, don't ask them to defend it.

It's a no, it's a no. 

You go be fruitful first and multiply if you want to.

With that being written

My name is Emediong Francis and this is 

Dimensionsofgold.